I've been thinking about a conversation that Sarah and I had a few nights ago. We realized that we are largely on the same page when it comes to men/relationships. Although we wouldn't turn away an eligible suitor who may happen to cross our paths, we aren't exactly in the mood to seek out love right now.

I feel very fulfilled at the moment. Great job, decent money, awesome friends, hectic social life, time to create art and make music... I'm actually afraid that starting a relationship right now would mess things up. Why ruin a good thing? I'm happy.

And yet...

I feel like a sex-crazed fourteen-year-old boy at times. For example, I spent the day at the Mall of America today with a friend. About halfway through the day I realized that I was almost obsessively checking guys out. Making eye contact, chatting with guys in the check-out line, smiling at the guy who made my ice cream... And I couldn't stop talking about it to my friend... "He's cute...", "Would you sleep with him?", "Do you think he's straight?", etc. I'm surprised she didn't whack me.

It reminded me of when I went to visit my friend at St. John's University last year. There were tons of gorgeous guys there, and I think it is ALL I talked about/thought about during the weekend.

Maybe I go through periods where I'm in heat? This seems to be one of them. But there also seem to be a LOT of them.

And this whole thing is making me rethink New Boy. I was disappointed because he didn't express much interest in anything more than VERY casual dating with sex. Which appalled me a few weeks ago... but now it doesn't sound like such a bad idea. I only have to see him once every week or two, make a booty call, and then get back to my nice, happy life without a relationship hanging around my neck. Maybe that's why people casually date? They have enough happiness/fulfillment in other aspects of their lives that they don't need or even want a serious relationship. I always assumed that people did that because they had issues with getting close to somebody, or loving somebody, or low self-esteem, or just plain stupidity. I'm thinking about this "dating" thing in a whole new light, now.

Hmm, a revelation. This calls for a drink!