I have been attacked TWICE in the past week by two different vermin.

One night I was minding my own business, taking my garbage out to the dumpster behind my apartment building. I open the dumpster and it is full of trash, so I just sling my bag onto the top. As it crashes down, a HUGE, RABID SQUIRREL SHOOTS out from under the trash DIRECTLY AT MY FACE. When it sees me it is able to change direction mid-flight (don't ask me how), and he bounces off some trash and down to the ground, then scurries off. I practically had a heart attack.

And then, just a few nights ago, I was about to go to bed when I spotted something strange on the floor outside my bedroom. When I got closer, I realized that it was an ENORMOUS CENTIPEDE type bug, but it had HUGE ANTENNAE and LONG, CRICKET-LIKE LEGS and it was SOOOOO BIG! I was terrified. I don't deal well with bugs.

Suddenly the critter saw me and shot off.. in the direction of my bedroom. I knew that if I didn't do something, I would NEVER sleep because I would just imagine it crawling all over my face during the night. I should also mention here that I can't kill bugs, for reasons too detailed to go into right now.

So I got one of those big red plastic cups (you know, the kind you get at house parties) and quick put it over the bug on my bedroom carpet. The bug was so big that its legs and antennae STUCK OUT UNDER THE CUP! I was HORRIFIED as I saw its legs squirming around. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back I saw that the cup was shaking back and forth, about to tip over. So I took my stapler and put it on top of the cup to weigh it down. Then I went to bed, because it was far too late for me to be dealing with such a stressful situation.

The next morning I couldn't get out of bed because I was terrified that I would see the cup knocked over, and then the bug would suddenly jump up at my face and bite me or something for revenge. But when I did get up, the stapler was still firmly in place and the bug was still trapped.

I decided to leave it for the day, but all day at work I was dreading going home because I knew that I would eventually have to deal with the bug.

Finally, after a few hours at home that night, I buckled my courage and approached the cup. I could no longer see the legs, so I thought maybe the MUTANTLY LARGE insect was dead. As is my habit, I took a piece of paper and started to slide it under the cup, and then I was going to take the whole shebang out to my apartment's stairwell and fling the bug away. BUT, as soon as I lifted the cup a quarter of a millimeter to slip the paper under, a HUGE ANTENNA shot out, followed by a few legs! EEEEEEEEK! I was sooooo scared, you have no idea. I jumped back about a mile and practically ran away. The thought of sleeping at somebody else's house for the night literally entered my mind.

Finally, I was able to get the bug out to my hallway, and then I threw it as far down the hall as I could. I couldn't see anything at first, but suddenly I saw this little form racing down the hallway---directly towards me! So I ran back to my apartment, slammed the door and locked it, and then stood there with my cup in hand, waiting for the little bugger to slip under my door one more time. C'mon, I dare you...

He never came, as far as I know.