I woke up this morning determined to do something new and different at the gym. Something I haven't done for... hmm... about ten years.

Swim.

You have to understand what a big deal this is. I know how to swim. I used to love swimming. But my body hasn't seen the light of day since puberty. I'm one of those gays with body issues, you see, and once I was old enough to pay attention to my own body--and realize that other people paid attention to it--I bundled up like an eskimo. I can only think of a handful of people who have seen me topless. Most of them were people who were also topless, and bottomless, and happened to be in my bed. But since puberty my body has basically not been for public consumption.

Now, I take a shower most mornings at the gym because I generally go straight from workout to work, but that doesn't bother me. I'm usually surrounded by a few flabby old men who could care less if I weighed 3000 pounds and had a dick the size of a Chiclet. But to walk out into the general pool area, topless, in just a swimsuit--that's a huge step for me.

I did it, and surprisingly I didn't even think about it. It helps that most people at my gym--male and female--are very old, very out of shape, and very apathetic about everybody around them. It also helps that I have lost eight pounds since July, my abs are looking damn good, and I feel better about myself overall.

As I swam laps, there was even a creepy guy who kept leering at me from the hot tub, and who eventually sat with his feet dangling in the pool still staring at me, and that didn't even bother me. Afterwards I hung out in the steam room, still stopless, still apathetic. I just felt like nobody was paying attention to me, and even if they did, I didn't have much to be ashamed of.

I returned to the locker room and took a shower. As I was putting on my clothes I glanced in the full-length mirror on the wall and thought, "You know, you are looking more in shape than you probably ever have. You are looking pretty good!"

And then I made the fatal mistake of washing my hands before leaving. If I had just walked out the door it never would have happened. But I stood at the sink washing my hands and in the mirror I suddenly saw a guy walk in from the swimming area.

No, not a guy. A god. A glistening, toned, gorgeous guy. He exemplified perfection. I have seen attractive people before, but this guy was like a supermodel.

He walked straight up to me and asked me a question that I didn't hear in my stupor. I turned around and faced him. He was standing a few inches from me, rippling muscles, amazing abs, water dripping from every sinew. All I could utter was "Huh?"

"Do you know where the scale is?" he asked me.

I was literally speechless. I'm not kidding you. I've never been like this before, but I can't explain in words how everything about this guy was perfect. It felt like hours, but a few seconds later I came to my senses and said, "It's over here." But it wasn't enough for me to point. I had to walk him through the small sink area and stand right in front of the scale so he could see it. It was the stupidest maneuver, but what can I say? I wasn't in my right mind!

Then I turned back around and looked in the mirror at the sink again.

Blech.

I should have just walked out the door.