Nothing is as easy as it should be.

Last night I was at a party at my friend Brian's house. He's gay, and has lots of gay friends. It was a fun dress-up party, lots of wine and cheese, great atmosphere, and great conversation.

I met this guy, and we ended up ditching everybody else and talking one-on-one for probably more than an hour. I was amazed at how much we have in common.... we both studied abroad in England, we both plan to go to the same law school the same year, we both write (wrote, in my case) for our college newspapers, we both play the piano, etc. And he's really nice, and cute, and funny, and, well... everything. "The whole package."

I thought that things were going swimmingly between us. Flirty eye contact, lots of smiles, etc. The bad news is that this guy is Brian's ex-boyfriend. They were together for 3 years, and have only been separated for about a year and a half. Brian later told me that they just started hanging out again, and the guy (hmm, I'll call him Too Perfect) is interested in dating Brian again. Brian is not at ALL interested.

As I was leaving, Brian walked me to the door and asked if I liked Too Perfect. I said yes, and he said that he would do some "investigating" for me.

When I talked to Brian today, the news wasn't very good. I said, "What's the story with Too Perfect?" and all he said was, "Well... he said that he barely even knows you." And that's it. Not exactly the response I was looking for. Then, Brian offered, "But I think he would probably go on a date with you if you called him." He thinks he would probably go on a date with me??? VERY reassuring. Brian gave me his phone number and encouraged me to call, but now I'm not sure.

Normal, proud me says: "Fuck it, he obviously isn't in to you. He still loves Brian. You'll just get rejected if you call, or he'll go on a date with you but just because he's nice and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Don't embarass yourself by calling."

But the me that I want to be says: "What do you have to lose? Things went really well last night, he seemed intersted in you, why not try it? What's the worst that can happen?"

There is clearly an epic battle going on between my ego and my passion right now. I really like this guy, more than any guy that I have met in years. But all signs point to "no," so I'm not sure what to do.

I guess I will have to surprise myself.