fish!
fish!
square square
r.i.p., phone
2003-02-08 | 11:34 p.m.

Today I realized the paucity of drama that I have in my life when something so insignificant can ruin my entire day.

Bad idea: talking on the phone while you are washing dishes. Surprise surprise, with your little tiny cell phone crooked between your neck and shoulder, it is bound to slip. And fall right into a sink full of soapy water. And become irretrievably destroyed.

I took the entire thing apart, dried it all off, put it back together again, and it still didn't work. I don't have a land-line and I was expecting some important calls later in the day. So I had to schlep my dysfunctional phone to the AT&T Store where I bought it, grab the clerk by his lapels, and shake him violently while crying, "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?!"

Unsurprisingly, they wouldn't replace the phone because I, after all, was the numbskull who decided to gab while washing my dishes.

Now, I should mention here that I LOVE my phone. Literally. I sometimes sleep with it next to me in bed so I can stare at its silver sleekness and know that everything is right in the world. When I wake up in the morning, I stroke it gently as I turn it on and watch it spring to life. I love it. And today I killed it.

So I wanted to buy the same model phone, but it is now $70 more than it cost when I purchased it in November! DEFINITELY out of my price range. So I had to buy this tiny black bug-shaped Motorola phone that was $115 and not even remotely as sexy as my old phone was. IS. I still cling to the hope that once all of my poor phone's innards have dried up it will function once more. Oh yes, it will function once more.

I am miserable. The passing of my phone put me in the worst mood for the rest of the day. My shopping spree was cancelled, my movie plans were put on hold--basically, my entire world screeched to a halt while I tried to piece together the shards of my shattered existence.

Don't worry, I'm feeling better now. I still look at my new phone with scorn and toss it carelessly about. I threw it on the couch tonight and mentally dared it to break. C'mon, what do I care? I never loved you anyways!

And now, as the day is winding to a close, I realize that this is the worst thing that has happened to me in months and months and months. Maybe even years.

And that's pretty pathetic.

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